Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
