Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
