My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
