Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize