I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
