Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
