I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
