I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
