Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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