im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
