Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
