Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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