there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
