Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
