Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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