She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
