Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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