so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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