He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
