HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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