just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
