we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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