...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
