Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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