M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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