Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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