I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i will never coherently bang her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Alive.
So much puke
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
