I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
