when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
