Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
