dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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