If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
