I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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