the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
