Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
