I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
