i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
