the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
