It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
