Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
