Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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