dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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