Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
