my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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