I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
