Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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