we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
