Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
