I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
