Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
