thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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