my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Welp...herpes.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
