just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
