There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
