I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
